This weekend was good. I went to Paris and saw Delay. But I’ll write about that later because upon returning home last night something happened that’s been on my mind all day.
Upon arriving here, most people told me that Dieppe is a safe town to walk around at night- which at first was shocking, but recently it’s been liberating to realize that I live somewhere where I can essentially leave to go somewhere at 9pm and not think too much of it, and not have to carry around mace- because this is just something I would NEVER consider doing in Columbus, at least not without thinking twice.
This past July after I had surgery, I couldn’t ride my bike for a couple of weeks, and was thus forced to drive. One day, I had to drop off a bag of peaches off at Lauren’s house, which was two blocks away, and I remember SPECIFICALLY thinking “it’s two blocks away- stop being paranoid, and just walk”.
Indeed.
Last year I got into the habit of walking down the middle of the street after dark so that I could see around me and so that somebody couldn’t just jump out at me (probably stupidity in retrospect, but in these cases I feel like there’s so little difference in what will save you that half the battle is making yourself feel safer). Walking down Hunter past 5th, a car drove up behind me, and after moving over, I realized that the car wasn’t driving forward. The man rolled down his window, and told me to get in his car, and the frightening part was, Hunter was absolutely deserted. He rolled slowly forward, and I crossed the street away from his car, and started walking faster as he drove forward a ways. Suddenly stopping, he reversed quickly, as I sprinted the remaining half block to Laurens, and a group of people suddenly appeared at the corner, and the car drove off quickly.
Last night as I was walking along the deserted country road we have to take from the bus stop to the internat, we saw a lone car parked with its lights on in the parking lot next to Neruda. As we approached, the car backed up, and waited as we walked closer. We got close enough, and I pulled out my phone and the car containing a single middle aged man drove off down the road.
As we approached the front of our unit, the same car pulled into another parking lot that sits in front of our building, driving slowly in a circle, and stopping in front of our gate only to continue circling slowly around the parking lot.
Upon reflection, part of me feels bad for feeling paranoid, and part of me feels pissed off that I feel bad for questioning instincts that I’ve learned to listen to.
Upon approaching somebody at the school about it today, I was told that while it’s good to be alert, it’s bad to be too paranoid. I agree. But. Huh?
People often cite incidents like this of women being paranoid. A few years ago, some guy actually told me to stop being a paranoid woman because I came home and my door was unlocked- but the truth is it’s not an issue of being female or not just of being human and not wanting to die- and yes I feel bad that I have to question every jack and stranger that walks the street at night, but what really gets me sometimes is when people attatch gender stereotypes to something that goes down to the basic human reaction towards feeling alone and helpless and scared.
I’ve never lived somewhere where there isn’t a neighborhood around. And I realized I dont even know how to call the police here.
Tommorrow I buy mace.
So Fuck you, shady man in his car who circles my parking lot at night. I’m now afraid to leave my house after 6pm.
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